The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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