So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Randomize
