do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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