Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
