I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
3pm strippers are depressing
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
