If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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