Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Come on in and take your pants off
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