I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
