these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
