I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
