You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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