I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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