Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So much rum. So many feels.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
