I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
