3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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