your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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