Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
