Swine flu. Run for my life!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
