it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
