fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
