Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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