You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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