im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
