I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The Olympian is in my bed
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
