While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
