Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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