I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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