Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
