Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
