I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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