We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize