please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
