I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
