dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just high enough for therapy.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
