we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
