If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
