No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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