he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
