Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
