I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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