So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
