So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Randomize
