I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
