Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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