The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
