things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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