shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
