Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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