I think I won the penis lottery.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
