she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
