i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
