i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
it hurts more in the daytime
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash