I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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