"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
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Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.