Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
