At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
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we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
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Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.