Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner