i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
