all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.