as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
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we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
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YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress