Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
