He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
