I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude i'm inner monologue high
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
