I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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