I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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