I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
