I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
