Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
