There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
