I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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