Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
