At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
