Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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