If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
