after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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