If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
