My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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