i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Don't tell me you're on acid again
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
