what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
