I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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